Habit One: Self Understanding

How well do you know yourself? Do you like yourself? If you understood yourself better could that help you develop happiness, better relationships and better ideas about what to do with your life?

Read the introduction to this seven part series here.

Self-understanding is the first habit in developing smiley spirituality. Self-understanding is a bit like knowing your real shape so that you can know how to fit comfortably into life. This takes a degree of honesty and outside help partly because knowing yourself truly isn’t easy, and sometimes isn’t attractive, and secondly because we have such a two dimensional view that psychometric tools are needed to help us see ourselves objectively.

The task is a four stage learning cycle of: self-knowledge, self-direction, self-reflection (linked to self-acceptance) and self-understanding.

Self-knowledge

Self-knowledge is the first stage in the cycle and involves a test or study that will provide raw data about yourself. But you may know your Myers-Briggs, Enniagram or Signature Strengths but have you done anything with the results?

Self-direction

Self-direction must follow for the knowledge to lead anywhere. This is where you plan and undertake some kind of behavioral experiment based on the findings. Knowledge will only lead to wisdom when it is run through the mill of experience.

Self-reflection

Self-reflection comes next: If you took some steps based on the knowledge you discovered what were the results? What did you learn about yourself? Many people leave the leaning cycle right here with the words, ‘I’ve failed’ but I have been deliberately using words like ‘experiment’ because this isn’t about success or failure, it is about objective learning. If the planned actions didn’t lead to the desired outcome then that is an opportunity to reflect and try again. And through this reflection, if you are able to accept yourself as you are you will free up a lot of energy to make positive change.

Self-understanding

Self-understanding is the rooted, grounded sense of being comfortable in your skin. Knowing and experiencing who you are with less stress and worry about what others think. The result is an increase in your ability to love as St Paul encourages: ‘I pray that your love would increase with knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to know what is best’.

Five self-knowledge experiments to start the cycle off:

1. Myers-Briggs – Discover your place in the 16.
2. Enniagram – Take a test and learn about your score.
3. Signature Strengths – Find the top virtues you use when you are operating at your happiest.
4. Optimism – Take a sobering look at your hopefulness score.
5. Journaling – Keep a journal to reflect on yourself and your learning.

Habit Two – Self Observation.

 

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