Habit Seven: Discipline

Getting up early. Keeping going when you’ve got no motivation. Delaying gratification. Not watching as much television. Keeping things simple. Studying. Forming new habits. Planning ahead. Saying no to perfectly reasonable requests. Drawing scornful comments from others. Doing some hard work. Developing depth, focus, perseverance, concentration and smiley spirituality. The mixed side effects of habit seven.

Read the introduction to the Seven Habits of Smiley Spiritual People and the previous habit 6 in this series.

The final habit of these seven habits of smiley spiritual people is discipline. Put simply, without discipline you will have no smiley spirituality. On face value that sounds like a bitter pill to swallow but positive psychology, the science of happiness – and some creativity can come to the rescue with some solutions. You’ve heard of no pain no gain? These approaches promise gain, with no pain … (ish).

Discipline is very simply the ability to keep going at something when you don’t feel like it. Depending on what new habit we’re talking about (meditation, reading holy writings, attending services, avoiding pleasant but time-consuming distraction, practicing kindness) that might mean getting up early, not taking the easy option, working when you have no motivation.

We are good at identifying new habits that will lead us to a wiser, happier and holier version of ourselves but we’re less good at keeping going at them for long enough to see any fruit. That is partly why we are as happy (or unhappy) now as we were a year ago. Real change in our behaviour, for example – being happier, kinder and more peaceful, depends on a restructuring of the more automatic programming beneath the surface – which can put up pretty good resistance to change.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, ever problem will be a nail.

Below you will find some other less drastic tools that might help.

I’m not going to tell you what your new habits could be here. They have been suggested in the previous posts. You need to work out what habits are right for you. For many it might include meditation of some sort. For others, making 3 new friends who’re further down the road to enlightenment. For a few it may involve a radical change … the monks and nuns are waiting for your call.

Discipline without so much ouch.

1. Maximise intrinsic motivation. Find out what’s in it for you. The new habit must be motivated because it comes naturally to you. And / or you may enjoy it. And it fits with your core values. (All intrinsic motivations). Rather than because you should, or you would feel guilty if you didn’t, or because someone else, or your situation says you should. (All extrinsic motivations).
2. Approach rather than avoid. Make sure that you describe the goal of the new habit as something you want and are moving towards rather than something you don’t want and are moving away from. If it is the latter you can often reframe it with a little bit of creative self-coaching … If I don’t what this, then what would I rather have?
3. Change your activities not your circumstances. New circumstances don’t lead to habits or happiness but activities do. Make your new disciplines about doing things rather than having things.
4. Don’t go against the elephant. If your new discipline is a straight fight with the elephant (subconscious, automatic thinking) don’t bother. The elephant always wins in a battle of wills. That is why new-years resolutions as well as spiritual disciplines are hard to sustain. But the elephant can change and emotional intelligence, clever riders, small steps (see below), CBT and meditation will all wor
k.
5. Do it with others. It’s no great surprise that when you try to keep up a new habit with others alongside you, you’re more likely to succeed. 
6. Do it just for today. Oh yes, this is a good one. Don’t make some declaration that ‘from now on I’m going to be different’. The elephant doesn’t like that either. Take small steps. Try something for a month. I dedicate August to new experiments. One month is not a problem. If I was to start something thinking that I had to keep it up for ever I’d fail fairly soon and end up feeling lousy. What may happen, if it works out for a month is, you may want to try it for another month and so on.
7. Little by little. And to emphasise the previous point. Set little goals. Think little thoughts. Take small actions. Aim for small targets. Instead of planning to meditate for 20 minutes every day for your first week, take the goal down to the smallest step you can take. I minute today, that’s all.
8. Make numerical goals. Think about turning your disciplines into numeric goals. For some reason we find these easier to reach and they are easier to measure the completion of.
9. Reward yourself. If you’ve succeeded at a goal you’ve set yourself – reward yourself. From pleasurable treats to juicy gadgets (I’ve been coaching long enough to know the latter is the only thing some men consider a reward) build in a meaningful reward at the end of a goal.
10. Variety. And to sustain the fruits of a new discipline you must mix it up a bit. Add in variety. Try something simple for a while but not for long enough for it to become a negative form of habit. Some habits are self-sustaining delights and pleasures that you can’t do without. But the danger is that if something is working for you at the start, or over a few months, that may not last. Try new twists and adaptations if you want the discipline to stay fresh.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the Seven Habits Of Smiley Spiritual People. One day it might get expanded into a how-to sort of book or course. We will see.

And now for your comments: