Habit Two: Self Observation

Do you find it tiring defending yourself from criticism? A constant narration of vaguely judgemental and condescending comments – except the messages I am talking about come from a voice in your head.

<< Introduction to The Seven Habits of Smiley Spiritual People.
< Habit One: Self-Understanding.

We all suffer from a split mind where the rider and the elephant are regularly in opposition to each other. When we are identified with either side of that argument we are taking energy directly away from living wholly and being able to give our full attention to something useful. As Anthony De Mello puts it, ‘you empower the demons you fight’. So what is the way out and how does it help with smiley spirituality?

Habit one was about gaining experiential knowledge of yourself. Habit two is subtly but crucially different. It is about discovering and identifying the watcher in you that can observe without identification; as if it was happening to someone else. Watching without labelling, listening without comment, observing without judgement and judgmental labelling leads to negative emotional states.

Your quality of life is directly related to your reactions, ideas and opinions. Habit one helps you to clarify what those values are and to explore how changing them might help. Habit two is the empowering step of finding a different vantage point altogether where you can accept yourself as you are. With acceptance (no change necessary) space is created where change can take place without the resistance of identification.

When you say, ‘I am’ a particular mood or an occupation or gender or whatever, you are identifying the whole of yourself with a limited idea. All those potential ‘I am’ statements are the little ‘i’s inside you – not the big ‘I’ that you really are. Can you watch yourself from that vantage point. You go from saying, ‘I am depressed’, and therefore labelling all of you negatively to saying, ‘there is depression in me’. You, the essential big I is fine. You’re okay! It might not feel like it but are you your feelings? Are you any of the things you can label?

Five self-observation suggestions.

1. Notice what went through your mind immediately before a noticeable change in your mood or state. Notice it impartially without judgement.
2. Try replacing the inner narration (primarily about the past or future) with a quiet mindful explanation of what you’re doing now – whenever that now is.
3. Read either Awareness by Anthony De Mello or The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallway. Both great exponents of this habit. Timothy Gallway uses the metaphor of tennis match participants to explain this; you are the arguing players but you are also the impartial umpire.
4. Practice saying, ‘I am not this’ whenever you observe that you have labelled yourself somehow.
5. Smile whenever you catch yourself beating yourself up about something or giving yourself a hard time.

> Habit Three: Stillness.

And now for your comments: