Your Happiness Is Like The Elephant and the Rider …

Do you ever find yourself hard to understand? Are there times when you notice yourself giving yourself a good talking to: “Why did I do that?”, “I should have done this not that.” The classic inner dialogue word to listen out for is “should”.

If you hear yourself using that word to yourself it is a sure sign that you are internally divided on an issue. Johathan Haidt in his book: The Happiness Hypothesis describes four main divisions. If you are able to bring some understanding to these divisions then you may be able to find more harmony on which to develop awareness and happiness.

The first division explored is that between mind and body. You are most likely to have experienced, at times, your body thinking for itself: gut reactions, what your heart says or even other parts of the anatomy thinking for themselves. (It’s not just guys is it?). The second division is that between the left and right brain. The so called logic and language side verses the artistic and creative side. The third split is between the old and new brain. Our brains have evolved over millions of years and the old ‘dinosaur’ brain in the middle is very old and very powerful. It makes up our limbic system containing the amygdala, hypothalamus and hippocampus which are able to highjack our more modern reason based thinking to avoid danger far quicker than we would be able to ‘think about’; e.g. the four F’s of flight, fight, feed or procreate.

The Elephant And The Rider.

The most important division is the fourth one explored and is between our controlled and automatic thinking. As Haidt explains it is our controlled thinking that plans a journey to the airport in time to catch a flight but it is our automatic thinking that actually drives the car. To the controlled mind multi tasking is not really possible despite either sex claiming that capability. Multi tasking is simply the ability to switch focus quickly – something developed by individuals from either gender. Anyway . . . With reference to the third division of old v’s new our well developed automatic thinking abilities have served us well and allow us to function efficiently. Bolted on top of this highly evolved animal brain is the relatively new module containing the controlled language and logic based thinking modules. Haidt uses the metaphor of a rider on an elephant to further explore this division; the rider thinks he’s in change but the elephant is obviously the more powerful.

The truth is well illustrated by the failure for most of us in sticking to new years resolutions. It is the rider who ‘thinks very reasonably’ that a certain course is sensible but it is the elephant that is eventually going to win. Which is not to say that habits can’t be changed but that will power alone – as a head on battle – rarely works. Working with a coach on habit change is well recommended. Obviously.

For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. St Paul.

I’ll be returning again to the elephant and rider metaphor because it is so useful in helping us understand own inconsistencies (which so exasperate the rider and St Paul). But if you’re sensitive about these things, as one of my clients was, please don’t think that by my saying that you have an inner elephant I’m saying anything about how big your bum is.

And now for your comments: